Devarim

I'm a little late on this one...it was my last Shabbat on Kibbutz so I got busy:

The first time I read through this week’s parsha I thought to myself, “well…isn’t this familiar?” And that’s because it was. Devarim is essentially a slightly varied retelling of the Exodus story. That’s right. The same exact stories are retold right before (and immediately after) the death of Moshe Rabbenu. It’s easy enough to skim over the stories because we literally just read these events over the last couple of weeks so what’s the point of going over them again. However, there are slight variations in the retelling which give new perspective to the previous parshiot.

In the first parsha of the book of Devarim, we rehear the story of the twelve spies and their negative forecasting of the conquest of Eretz Yisrael. In BaMidbar we learn that the Israelites wish they had been left back in Egypt because clearly Hashem and brought them out here just to die. However, in the newest version of the story we learn that Israelites accuse Hashem of hating them. You read that correctly. The Israelites tell Moshe that Hashem hates them which was definitely not mentioned the first time around yet seems like kind of a big deal. Previously the Israelites just seemed frustrated and whiny (as they do throughout their journey). Now I could really feel the hurt in their plea. To accuse Hashem of hating them is extreme but also desperate.

There have been times in my life when I felt that people have hated me. There have even been times when I’ve told others that I hated THEM. It isn’t a word that is used lightly except maybe by children. To feel that your protector hates you when you are most vulnerable and to feel it strong enough bring the accusation to your mediator is intense.

I have made fun of Am Yisrael in this blog for their complaining ways and for their lack of trust in their proven leader. Yet, maybe I should have been more sympathetic to their plight. To feel hated by the one that is supposed to take care of you when you have no one else to turn to, is frightening. And lonely. And helpless. The path of our people to Eretz Yisrael was not simple. Is still not simple. It can be scary and we will feel alone sometimes. Through it all we have each other to fall back on. We build family and we have the traditions of our people that keep us united. Don’t get me wrong. Hashem has got our backs, too. It just can be a little difficult to accept and/or understand sometimes. 

Masei

“It’s not the destination it’s the journey.” I hate when people say that. I pretty much hate any cliché, to be fair. However, for the parsha called “Journeys” (Masei) this saying seemed highly relevant. Turns out it is a biblical cliché so what can you do.

The parsha starts out telling us about the 42 different “journeys” or encampments made along the way to the promised land. None of the plot points are mentioned except the death of Aaron on Mount Hor; just the names of the places that the Israelites stopped. It then goes on to enumerate the borders of the promised land and to remind everyone of their promised inheritance. Why do we need to be reminded of the various stops along the way? Why is each stop considered a journey unto itself? In my humble opinion, I think that the Torah is not telling us “it’s not the destination but the journey” bur rather it IS the destination AND the journey. Of course the destination is important, so important that we must be reminded of the exact borders of the land. But each stop along the way had its own significance and taught the people the lessons they needed to learn before they could even begin to think about entering Eretz Yisrael. It all happened for a reason; every single moment of the last 40 years of wandering.

Technically speaking, I am a citizen of the State of Israel. So what exactly is my destination if I am already here? Good question, reader. Very thoughtful. Living in the land of Israel is very important but we aren’t yet done. We aren’t done settling the land, first of all. There are many pieces of land that belong to Eretz Yisrael that aren’t currently a part of the State of Israel. Not to get political or anything (I understand that such a thing might currently be disastrous in the search for a peaceful Middle East…it’s just an ideal for the future of the Jewish people. Calm down, reader). We are still waiting for Moshiach and Beit haMikdash. We still have collective improvements to be made in the way the various factions of Jewish people talk to each other. Jews shouldn’t be fighting other Jews and yet I see and hear plenty of secular people act disgusted at the thought of a haredi Jew or I get called an unpleasant name by a religious Jew because my skirt doesn’t completely cover my knees. 

Not only do we have a collective need for communal harmony, but we also have an abundant need for bettering ourselves. I want so desperately to be at peace with myself and my past and to have everyone around me feel respected at all times. Those are my own personal goals and I am sure you have your own, too. Basically, to conclude, if you aren’t currently located in Eretz Yisrael you need to get here even if it takes you 42 journeys to do so. Better late than never. And if you are here, then you still have a mountain of work ahead of you. Our own geographic journeys are over but there is still a whole lot of work to do on the inside both individually and communally. 

Matot

I’ve spent the last week working on my kibbutz’s vineyard in 40 degree heat, getting dirty, working hard, settling Hashem’s land. I never thought of myself as a physical laborer but working outside in Eretz Yisrael is a whole other type of experience. I have never felt so productive and Zionistic. No matter how many times you are stung by wasps, or how sweaty and dehydrated you are, all you have to do is look out at Mount Gilboa or Shomron and realize that all your work is worth it. You are achieving the Jewish dream. All of this comes at a time when Eretz Yisrael finds itself at war with Hamas. Baruch Hashem for a Jewish state that protects its citizens and even goes out of its way to protect the people of Gaza that have the unfortunate circumstance of living in a piece of land controlled by a terrorist organization. Israel really is the promised land…so as I read this week’s parsha (Matot) I was confused as to why the tribes of Gad and Reuven asked to settle East of the Jordan rather than continue onwards to Canaan.

Well, I do understand a little bit. According to the Torah the lands that Gad and Reuven asked for were better for their cattle and would better suit their needs. We all want to take care of our families, I get that. Don’t get me wrong, it still seems absurd to make it that far and then stop right before the final destination and not inherit any of the land promised by Hashem. I would think that by this point in the journey the Israelites would finally understand that maybe Hashem really does know best as has been demonstrated countless times during their period of wandering and that anyone that has disagreed has suffered immensely...but that’s humanity for you. We are a stubborn bunch.

Moshe, being the just leader that he is, agrees to their request with a caveat; you may take the land that you want but only if you continue on with the Israelites to gain the land West of the Jordan as well and Reuven and Gad seem happy enough to go along with the plan. From this I feel it there is a message about communal versus individual needs and desires. The two tribes clearly felt staying in the East would be better for their own needs yet they agree to aid in the communal battle for Eretz Yisrael. Sometimes we have to put down our own selfish desires to help out our people, our community, the people that we needed and will need again in our lifetimes. Living life selfishly will get you nowhere in the end because everyone needs help sometimes and only within a community will you find the infrastructure for personal love and support. Of all communities, in the history of human existence, there haven’t been communities as successful as boosting one another up than that of Am Yisrael. Maybe I don’t understand why Gad and Reuven would want to settle outside of the land but I can respect that they, at least, put down their personal interests temporarily to fight for their people. 

Pinchas

Parshat Pinchas perplexes me every year. I simply do not know how to interpret it. For those that need to be updated, Pinchas was a zealous Jew that killed a Jewish man and Midianite woman for desecrating the Torah. Pinchas is seemingly rewarded with the “Covenant of Peace” which always him access to the priesthood. Surely Pinchas did the right thing for he stopped the plague and he stood up for Judaism…however zealotry is not a Jewish value. Never has been or never will be. Hashem and Hashem’s prophets can take decisive measure but giving everyone free reign to do what they feel is Hashem’s will is dangerous. Anyone can see how that could go wrong very quickly. So then WHY is Pinchas venerated?

Well…I read plenty of commentaries out there and they all have their theories but I found precisely none of them even remotely compelling. There is no way to distinguish Pinchas’ behavior from our own. Just the last couple of weeks the Jewish people have suffered at the hands of both Jewish and Muslim zealots. And I’m sure they all felt they were doing Hashem’s work just as Pinchas did. Nowhere else in the Torah do we find recommendations for zealousness so how exactly are we supposed to react to this week’s parshah? How do we explain it to our children? Do we encourage such strong emotional reactions? Condemn them? If we condemn them, how can we explain the reward given to him?

I will continue to search for an answer that is at least a little bit satisfying but for now I have to be content with having questions. I don’t pretend to understand everything and I am fine admitting that I don’t have all the answers which is precisely where I am at right now. Sometimes this is how life is. And by sometimes I mean pretty much all the time. No one has the answer to everything and even collectively we don’t have even 1% of the answers yet we must continue to live our lives. Next week we will move on to the next parsha and we’ll come back to Pinchas next year.

If you have any cool insight into the parsha it would be very welcome!

Balak

It has been a very sad week for the Jewish people. I really didn’t feel like writing a blog post; I just couldn’t think about anything besides the deaths of Eyal, Gil-ad and Naftali. Typically I don’t show emotions but the last couple of days I have felt upset, angry, confused…and reading the mindless chatter online doesn’t help either. Grieving is personal. When three teenagers die for no other reason than their Jewish blood, it hurts and I feel it. I feel it more than I know how to articulate. These boys were murdered for being Jewish, on their way home from yeshiva, so it only seems fair to continue my own Jewish journey with them in mind.  

The parsha is Balak in which Balak seeks the help from the gentile prophet Balaam in cursing the Jewish people. After some back and forth with Hashem, Balaam sets out and once he sees Am Yisrael the only words that come out of his mouth are not curses but some of the most beautiful blessings seen in all of the Torah. So beautiful, in fact, that we repeat Balaam’s words every time we enter a synagogue. “מַה טֹּבוּ אֹהָלֶיךָ, יַעֲקֹב; מִשְׁכְּנֹתֶיךָ, יִשְׂרָאֵל” “How goodly are your tents, Jacob, your dwellings, Israel.” Eventually Balak gets his way in that Balaam gets the Moabite women to “distract” the Israelite men…but in the end Am Yisrael is in Eretz Yisrael and thriving. Balak and Balaam get a minor victory but, as usual, the Jewish people live on.

Some argue that Balaam fully intended on cursing the Israelites and Hashem literally put the blessings in his mouth by force. I don’t see it as such. These past two and a half weeks have been an emotional nightmare here in Eretz Yisrael. Yet through it all I have felt the utmost pride and respect for our people. When one of our own is in danger we stick together and we work hard to bring an end to the suffering. Today, thousands of people traveled to Modi’in to attend the funeral and everyone else watched from home. We all feel as though we knew these boys, as if members of our own family were taken. Where else do you see this? This will to survive, to protect each other? I argue that it is not to be found anywhere else in history. Do we always agree? Absolutely not. Is it always pretty? Of course not. When it comes down to survival and our love for each other, however, the connection and the atmosphere are indescribable. I truly believe that Balaam saw this with his own eyes and that’s why nothing but blessings came forth. Balaam saw what the world is seeing now; the incredible might of the Jewish people. 

Chukat

Parshat Chukat can be a little depressing if you think too hard about it. Moshe Rabbeinu strikes the rock in order to produce water and from this seemingly innocent act he is banished from Eretz Yisrael. Imagine you’ve led a bunch of irritating Israelites for years in the desert and because of striking a rock rather than just telling the rock to produce water, you cannot enter the promised land. Personally, I would’ve just lied down and died right there. I would’ve been done with the whole mission…but that’s just one of many reasons I will not be the leader of Am Yisrael anytime soon.

What exactly was wrong with striking the rock? Commentators have long said that Moshe disobeyed Hashem and made it seem as though HE was bringing forth the water (rather than the actual, divine source). I agree, that’s not cool to take credit for miracles. But Moshe clearly had no intention of doing that and he didn’t deliberately disobey Hashem either…

This brings me to my moral of the story: your intentions don’t always matter. If you say or do something hurtful it doesn’t matter if you meant to do it or not…you still hurt somebody. The end result is the same! That’s not to say intention plays NO role in our lives. Having good intentions often leads us to have good, positive behaviors. However, it isn’t enough to just not have ill will. We need to be aware of all of our actions and how they affect everyone around us. There are consequences for our actions even if our intentions were in the right place. Unlike Moshe Rabbeinu, I have the privilege of living in the holy land, but if I don’t think about my actions and how they affect and/or come across to other people then there will still be repercussions. Sorry…that sounded really menacing. I just meant to think before you act. Pretty sure that is what the parsha is telling us this week…but I’m no expert.  

Korach

*I should start by warning you all that I’ve had a bad week. My views on humanity should be taken with a grain of salt.*

People can be fairly terrible. Korach’s antics don’t exactly disprove my theory. Korach questioned Moses and Aaron’s right to lead. Okay, fine. That is fair enough, I guess. One should never settle for their lot in life. And that’s coming from someone with very little ambition. What makes Korach an enemy, in my book, is his jealousy. Korach didn’t just question the natural order…he wanted to usurp the leadership. He wanted the power for himself. AND he questioned Hashem (see entry last week…and pretty much every week for my ideas on punishment for questioning divine will). Basically there was no way this guy was coming out the story alive. He just messed up too much (sorry, spoiler alert).

Let’s get back to jealousy since we’ve been over the sin of not trusting in Hashem. Jealousy is a staunchly selfish emotion. There is no motive for jealousy other than wanting what you think is good for you with no consideration whatsoever for anyone else. Korach didn’t care about what was best for Am Yisrael; he just wanted the power and the glory that Moses and Aaron were given by Hashem. And for that he was swallowed by the Earth.

If I was swallowed by the Earth every time I got jealous…well, I suppose after one time I wouldn’t really have another opportunity. I think you know what I’m getting at, in any case. Unfortunately people are like this. We get jealous. There is just no way around it. I don’t generally like people. I don’t trust anyone (yes, that includes you whoever reads this). It is our universal selfish inclinations that causes us to hurt each other. And for what? To move up from the Levites to assume the position of leader?

99% of people will never get to be leader but we all have the ambition to move up at least one rung of the social ladder. Sometimes people want to move up in order to help their families but for the most part we lie to ourselves about this. Moving up is not always better. We just want to prove to ourselves that we are worth the same as those “above” us…that we deserve all the same glory even at the expense of our own family and friends. Maybe anytime someone attempted to selfishly usurp power they were sucked into the ground then jealousy would be obsolete. Probably not, though. Selfishness feels too innate to be re-learned through punishment and consequence. I don’t know.

For now I suppose we should just attempt to suppress our own selfish thoughts and actions even if is difficult since no one else is doing it. Life wouldn’t be fun (read: interesting) it if weren’t difficult. At least that is what I’m telling myself to retain my sanity. On that note, have a great Shabbat and if the moshiach doesn’t come then have a great week as well.