Devarim

I'm a little late on this one...it was my last Shabbat on Kibbutz so I got busy:

The first time I read through this week’s parsha I thought to myself, “well…isn’t this familiar?” And that’s because it was. Devarim is essentially a slightly varied retelling of the Exodus story. That’s right. The same exact stories are retold right before (and immediately after) the death of Moshe Rabbenu. It’s easy enough to skim over the stories because we literally just read these events over the last couple of weeks so what’s the point of going over them again. However, there are slight variations in the retelling which give new perspective to the previous parshiot.

In the first parsha of the book of Devarim, we rehear the story of the twelve spies and their negative forecasting of the conquest of Eretz Yisrael. In BaMidbar we learn that the Israelites wish they had been left back in Egypt because clearly Hashem and brought them out here just to die. However, in the newest version of the story we learn that Israelites accuse Hashem of hating them. You read that correctly. The Israelites tell Moshe that Hashem hates them which was definitely not mentioned the first time around yet seems like kind of a big deal. Previously the Israelites just seemed frustrated and whiny (as they do throughout their journey). Now I could really feel the hurt in their plea. To accuse Hashem of hating them is extreme but also desperate.

There have been times in my life when I felt that people have hated me. There have even been times when I’ve told others that I hated THEM. It isn’t a word that is used lightly except maybe by children. To feel that your protector hates you when you are most vulnerable and to feel it strong enough bring the accusation to your mediator is intense.

I have made fun of Am Yisrael in this blog for their complaining ways and for their lack of trust in their proven leader. Yet, maybe I should have been more sympathetic to their plight. To feel hated by the one that is supposed to take care of you when you have no one else to turn to, is frightening. And lonely. And helpless. The path of our people to Eretz Yisrael was not simple. Is still not simple. It can be scary and we will feel alone sometimes. Through it all we have each other to fall back on. We build family and we have the traditions of our people that keep us united. Don’t get me wrong. Hashem has got our backs, too. It just can be a little difficult to accept and/or understand sometimes.