Chukat

Parshat Chukat can be a little depressing if you think too hard about it. Moshe Rabbeinu strikes the rock in order to produce water and from this seemingly innocent act he is banished from Eretz Yisrael. Imagine you’ve led a bunch of irritating Israelites for years in the desert and because of striking a rock rather than just telling the rock to produce water, you cannot enter the promised land. Personally, I would’ve just lied down and died right there. I would’ve been done with the whole mission…but that’s just one of many reasons I will not be the leader of Am Yisrael anytime soon.

What exactly was wrong with striking the rock? Commentators have long said that Moshe disobeyed Hashem and made it seem as though HE was bringing forth the water (rather than the actual, divine source). I agree, that’s not cool to take credit for miracles. But Moshe clearly had no intention of doing that and he didn’t deliberately disobey Hashem either…

This brings me to my moral of the story: your intentions don’t always matter. If you say or do something hurtful it doesn’t matter if you meant to do it or not…you still hurt somebody. The end result is the same! That’s not to say intention plays NO role in our lives. Having good intentions often leads us to have good, positive behaviors. However, it isn’t enough to just not have ill will. We need to be aware of all of our actions and how they affect everyone around us. There are consequences for our actions even if our intentions were in the right place. Unlike Moshe Rabbeinu, I have the privilege of living in the holy land, but if I don’t think about my actions and how they affect and/or come across to other people then there will still be repercussions. Sorry…that sounded really menacing. I just meant to think before you act. Pretty sure that is what the parsha is telling us this week…but I’m no expert.  

Korach

*I should start by warning you all that I’ve had a bad week. My views on humanity should be taken with a grain of salt.*

People can be fairly terrible. Korach’s antics don’t exactly disprove my theory. Korach questioned Moses and Aaron’s right to lead. Okay, fine. That is fair enough, I guess. One should never settle for their lot in life. And that’s coming from someone with very little ambition. What makes Korach an enemy, in my book, is his jealousy. Korach didn’t just question the natural order…he wanted to usurp the leadership. He wanted the power for himself. AND he questioned Hashem (see entry last week…and pretty much every week for my ideas on punishment for questioning divine will). Basically there was no way this guy was coming out the story alive. He just messed up too much (sorry, spoiler alert).

Let’s get back to jealousy since we’ve been over the sin of not trusting in Hashem. Jealousy is a staunchly selfish emotion. There is no motive for jealousy other than wanting what you think is good for you with no consideration whatsoever for anyone else. Korach didn’t care about what was best for Am Yisrael; he just wanted the power and the glory that Moses and Aaron were given by Hashem. And for that he was swallowed by the Earth.

If I was swallowed by the Earth every time I got jealous…well, I suppose after one time I wouldn’t really have another opportunity. I think you know what I’m getting at, in any case. Unfortunately people are like this. We get jealous. There is just no way around it. I don’t generally like people. I don’t trust anyone (yes, that includes you whoever reads this). It is our universal selfish inclinations that causes us to hurt each other. And for what? To move up from the Levites to assume the position of leader?

99% of people will never get to be leader but we all have the ambition to move up at least one rung of the social ladder. Sometimes people want to move up in order to help their families but for the most part we lie to ourselves about this. Moving up is not always better. We just want to prove to ourselves that we are worth the same as those “above” us…that we deserve all the same glory even at the expense of our own family and friends. Maybe anytime someone attempted to selfishly usurp power they were sucked into the ground then jealousy would be obsolete. Probably not, though. Selfishness feels too innate to be re-learned through punishment and consequence. I don’t know.

For now I suppose we should just attempt to suppress our own selfish thoughts and actions even if is difficult since no one else is doing it. Life wouldn’t be fun (read: interesting) it if weren’t difficult. At least that is what I’m telling myself to retain my sanity. On that note, have a great Shabbat and if the moshiach doesn’t come then have a great week as well. 

Shlach

We all trust some people more than others. I, for one, trust nobody and you may trust 99% of the people around you. It’s normal, I think. Actually, I take that back. I tend to misjudge normal by a wide margin so if I think something is normal…it most likely isn’t. Humanity is hard to understand. Anyways, in parshat Shlach we are encountered with some major trust issues. The 12 spies come back and give conflicting reports about the land. 10 spies say there are giant enemies that will surely destroy them. Two spies disagree. The wandering Israelites FREAK OUT. They start wishing they were back in Egypt. “Why did Hashem bring us out of this land just to be killed here???” That’s not a direct quote. It’s my version of the story. Hashem dooms them to forty more years in the desert and tells them they will never enter the promised land.

Don’t the Israelites complaints seem justified? I wouldn’t want to end my desert wandering with a hopeless battle in which I will surely be killed. Plus, the Israelites (while constantly complaining) have had some trials and tribulations on the way. They seem to deserve a break, in my humble opinion.

The problem wasn’t with their logic. The problem was with their trust. When Hashem tells you that the land is yours to conquer…you should probably do it. And by probably, I mean definitely. Hashem has provided for them the entire time. They saw amazing miracles, received the Torah, had manna falling from heaven; what exactly does Hashem need to do for them to let go and just trust that it will be okay?? As mentioned above, trust is a concept I have a hard time with. I really have no idea how to let go and let someone else help out. I’m an independent person and I don’t believe that anyone else is capable of doing the right thing. And I have an amazing amount of stress and inability to sleep at night because of it. But…I’m working on it.

 Letting go and believing that God will take care of you is an important skill. One that the Israelites never learned and were punished severely for. We don’t have to live with all burdens on our shoulders all of the time and in this week’s parsha we learn just how unfortunate our future will be if we don’t just chill out. That’s right. The message of this week’s parsha, from my perspective, is to chill out. Hashem has got your back. 

Behaalotecha

I’m going to be upfront with you…I had some trouble with this parsha. It could be the lack of sleep from Shavuot and/or all the attention paid to the story of Ruth rather than thinking about the parsha. Or those could all just be excuses. The parsha this week has a lot going on. Not only does it have a whole lot happening but there isn’t an easily connected thematic connection to all of them. For example, ordering Aaron to light the menorah followed by whiny Israelites that want meat to eat, and ending with Miriam getting leprosy is not the most logical of plot lines. But, it’s Torah not a storybook. I guess we all will just have to deal with it.

Like me, the Israelites in the desert complain. A lot. They just can’t be satisfied with anything. For the sake of poetic justice I will say the first paragraph of this post was done simply to make a point and to show you all what a complaining Israelite looks like.  Well, Moshe finally seems to break down and tells Hashem that he just can’t take it anymore. Luckily for us, Hashem tells him to snap out of it and a compromise involving 70 elders is made. For a minute my ego got the best of me and I felt some supremacy over Moshe Rabbeinu. “He’s showing weakness!” I thought. Well, I would never go so far as to ask for death. Come on, Moshe Rabbeinu. Get your act together.  To be fair, it is a trait unique to Judaism that our major figures all have distinctly human moments and weaknesses. They don’t come across as perfect God-like beings, not relatable, and untouchable.

However, there is a line between us and them all the same. Miriam makes the mistake of crossing that line (the same mistake I made as I read the dialogue between Moshe and Hashem). She tells Aaron about her concerns regarding Moshe’s marital life. She feels he spends too much time talking to Hashem instead of taking care of his wife. For such chutzpa she gets inflicted with leprosy for seven days. To be totally honest, I still don’t understand why Aaron doesn’t get punished. He also takes part… I’ll let that go for now. Chabad commentator, Chaya Sarah Silberberg offers up the following answer for why exactly Miriam got such a harsh punishment for voicing real concerns; Miriam should’ve known better than to question Moshe. Moshe was the people’s intermediary with Hashem…did she really not think that he knew what he was doing?

Having heroes that seem like us is important; but there are boundaries. There should be boundaries in all our relationships. Not everyone is exactly the same, not all our relationships are the same. My relationship with my mother is different than my relationship with my teacher. My relationship with my teacher is different than my relationship with my friend. Relationships between men and women are different. This was Miriam’s crime and I know it is something I need to be more mindful of. So thanks Miriam. While I don’t suffer from leprosy confusing the status of others has gotten me into other kinds of trouble.

I have plenty more to say but I want to go eat ice cream now. So..until next week.