Vayeitzei

Disclaimer: The world is a depressing place. And this is a semi-depressing parsha. Unless you're an optimist in which case this parsha is full of weddings and babies and Godly interactions. But that's not me.

We start out the parsha with Yaakov's journey to Haran and we hear about his wrestling match with an angel in which Yaakov is renamed "Yisrael" or "struggles with God." From here the struggling only grows more intense. Of course we know about the trials and tribulations of Leah and her weak eyes from all her crying. We know she isn't the favored wife and her seemingly never ending child bearing doesn't even seem to cheer her up that much. She's constantly comparing herself to her sister and attempting to gain dominance with her ability to produce male children. But surely Rachel's story is much happier? Sure, she doesn't have any children until the very end (even then only a modest number of two boys)..but Yaakov loves her from the second he sees her.

Rashi brings down from the midrash that Yaakov wept when he saw Rachel because he foresaw that she was going to be buried separately from him. Later in the parsha we find out why Rachel receives this destiny (according to the midrash as cited by Rashi). If we read the parsha through the lenses of the midrash we are constantly haunted by the knowledge that Rachel is going to die and she won't have the honor of being buried with the others in Hevron.

Struggle, struggle, struggle. That's like 90% of this week's parsha. However, it can't be that bad. We are all descendants of Yaakov so his struggles must have been important. For the first time in my life I went to Kever Rachel (on Erev Sukkot). There I read the Tikkun Rachel which is one of the most horrifying things I've ever read in my life..full of talk of destruction and exile. When I looked around I saw a lot of women in pain. I don't know any of their stories or why they were there but one could feel the collective grief in the room. Being a part of Am YISRAEL means being human. It means living in a world where we'll struggle and sometimes fail. But to have those struggles and still turn to Hashem and trust that it will all work out the way it is supposed to is what it really means to be a Jew.
That and bagels and lox (unless you're Sephardi).

Toledot

Parshas Toledos. Stam. I’m not that yeshivish/yeshivish even a little bit. I pronounce “Tav” like a “T”...most of the time.

Looks like I started this post off track. Bli neder, I’ll make a point about this week’s parsha at some point. And fill in awkward silences with my worldly observations.

Take two: Parshat Toledot. Upon my first readthrough of the parsha I came across (what I thought was) a brilliant observation; Rivka not only talks to HaKadosh BaruchHu all by herself but she is also answered by him! Women don’t get a lot of one on one time with HaShem and it takes quite a bit of courage to initiate such an encounter in the male dominated field of prophecy. Yet, there it is. Rivka demands to know why she is struggling so much in her pregnancy and HaShem answers that she is bearing twins..the futures of two very different nations are battling it out in her womb. Not only is she carrying twins but she even gets to know that the second born (Yaakov) will be the rightful successor of her husband Yitzchak. That’s amazing, I thought. Such an amazing encounter between HaShem and a woman will surely have volumes written about. Rivka must have been the first prophetess or something.

Oh..yes. Our sages have plenty to say about Rivka’s holy inquiry but it is not nearly as positive as I had thought it would be. Both the Maharal and the Netziv point out that Rivka inquired of HaShem behind her husband’s back. That she felt fear/awe of her husband and did not feel she could tell Yitzchak the truth. Which of course sets up the end of the parsha where Rivka helps Yaakov trick Yitzchak into receiving the first born blessings.

“If only Rivka was just honest with Yitzchak so much of the misunderstanding could have been avoided!” Yes. That is a cheap and easy point to be made using this understanding. HOWEVER, I do not wish to go there. First of all, I trust our matriarchs and patriarchs and the word of the Torah is holy. So I’m not about to condemn any of our holy ancestors. Or pretend like I am on their level and can understand their motivations. Everything happened the way it did for a reason. Using the Maharal and Netziv’s interpretations, however, does help teach a lesson. A lesson in understanding that emotional intelligence and rational action aren’t necessarily so easy to balance. Both are equally valid and should be respected and understood. There is a false dichotomy that things either “make sense” or don’t. That’s not quite how it works. There are many ways to see the world. Maybe if Rivka did what “made sense” she wouldn’t have had the opportunity to speak directly to HaShem. We weren’t given emotional reactions so that we could just ignore them...trust me. I’ve tried. That generally doesn’t end well. There are Rivkas and there are Yitzchaks in the world. Both serve HaShem and in different ways. As long as we’re following Torah and turning to HaShem (or his Sages as the midrash says is actually meant by Rivka’s encounter with the divine) then we’re free to listen to our inner truths as well.

Or something.

Ki Tisa

Ki Tisa is both one of the most important and one of the most problematic parshiot in the history of parshiot. At least, in my humble opinion. We start out by getting some more overly detailed instructions on how to build the mishkan, Moshe goes up Mt. Sinai to get the commandments, people build a golden calf, Moshe comes down, breaks the tablets, then needs to go back up for new ones, more mishkan instructions. That’s the gist.

I didn’t get it. I spent all week feeling annoyed and angry at the parsha. I read it over and over again trying to figure something out. God didn’t make sense to me. Moshe kinda made sense, and the I totally was on board with the golden calf idea. Having heard the golden calf story many times prior to this (and never thinking about in any depth), I was very aware that I am supposed to feel the opposite. It made sense to me that the people felt alone and needed some replacement. It’s like a kid with absent parents trying to adopt the closest adults as replacement parent-like figures. I used to do that all the time. I still do. It’s an understandable mistake on their part. God and Moshe maybe should have understood the reality of human nature better and calmed down about the whole thing. Instead they both got angry, threatened (and followed through with) mass murder, and broke things.

My feelings were troubling (as they often are, I’m a bit of a wreck). I read some commentaries and nothing was helping. Until I read an essay in Frameworks comparing the mishkan to the calf. The essay argued that the mishkan and the calf served similar roles; a physical manifestation of something beyond normal human experience. Humans need physicality and passion and lust. Godliness doesn’t work that way so we need a lesser form that we can more readily understand. God knew this and instructed us in a way we can achieve this. When Moshe went up to Mt. Sinai they took this idea into their own hands and built the golden calf. Having a physical, base way to serve hashem is not inherently wrong; it was the way in which we went about it. God commands us; not the other way around. When God instructed us in the ways of the mishkan, he was catering to our needs. When we decided to take the idea of worship and service to God into our own hands…that’s where the problem is. God DOES understand us and does what we need. It’s when we try to impose ourselves and our views onto God that we have a problem.

I feel better about this parsha now. I don’t exactly support mass murder of well meaning (although totally misguided) people…but I’m not God. Shouldn’t impose my misguided but well-meaning views either. So, let us all learn from their mistakes. 

Tetzaveh

Tetzaveh is probably an unfortunate choice of parsha to restart this blog with…but I am having a momentary lapse of nostalgia and wanted to see this thing up and running again. Six months is a long enough break. I will TRY and not wait six more months until the next one. Key word=try. Quitting things seems to be my main hobby. Anyways, I’ll attempt to make this parsha semi interesting.

We get to hear all about the kohanim and their special clothes. That’s literally the entire parsha. Actually that’s not true. We also get told about special Kohen jobs and Hashem commands all of Israel to keep the menorah light burning. Presumably the commands are being told to Moshe although Moshe’s name is missing throughout.

I could make something up about the importance of clothing or something. While perusing the usual commentaries that seemed to be the only thing people could come up. Instead I’ll just broaden the perspective. Broaden my perspective to the entire first two books of Tanach. I know…that’s cheating but I don’t care. It’s my blog.

A few days ago, I heard a shiur on Yaakov’s final “blessings” to his sons. We had a conversation about the role of brotherhood throughout all of breishit and each story is a small bit of rectification of the first brother story we read: Cain and Abel. We read about Isaac and Ishmael. Doesn’t end so well. Jacob and Esau…rocky, at best. Joseph and his many siblings; his siblings do sell him to slavery and ignore his pleas for help. But in the end they do teshuva and things are mostly okay.

Moshe and Aaron are the completion of that story. Two brothers that work in tandem with one another. Moshe receives the prophecies from Hashem and Aaron carries out the priestly duties. Without a prophet; there’s no instruction. Without the priest; there’s no functioning mishkan/temple/anything. And that’s exactly what Moshe’s instructed to do this week. Share responsibility with his brother. Spoiler alert: they end up working pretty well together. Aaron’s sons can’t say the same. But at least his sons go up in flames…together. On that morbid note: until next time.